I flat-out LIED

Recently, I was supposed to go to Friday evening service at our church. Friday is nicknamed "Joy night", and is also our night for Pastoral Teaching. Usually I love Fridays, because I can come and unload all the burdens and weights of the week, and spend some time in praise and singing to God.

In addition, all titled members (which is pretty much every adult) are asked to check in with the Chief of Staff if they're not going to make a service.

But this particular Friday, I didn't feel like going. So I checked in. I said I was going to be busy reviewing papers for a meeting the next morning, which was true, but only partially. I knew this essential task wouldn't take me all evening to complete. In the end, I found the paper review took less than an hour. After that, I fiddled around the (empty) house for awhile, and was in bed asleep by 9:30. Joy Night typically ends about 10:00 or so.

Let me tally my sins:
1. Disobedience
2. Self-centeredness
3. Lying about it

So it's no wonder, I found myself at 4:30am the next morning, kneeling by myself in the darkened church, asking God's forgiveness for my actions.

1 John 1:9 (KJV) - If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

That's it? That's it. Forgiven? Forgiven. Wow! Thank you, Lord!

But I'm also struck with the awareness that if Jesus had returned last night while I slept in my sinful state, I would have not made it to heaven.

Revelation 21:23-27 (NLT, underlines mine) - And the city has no need of sun or moon, for the glory of God illuminates the city, and the Lamb is its light. The nations will walk in its light, and the kings of the world will enter the city in all their glory. Its gates will never be closed at the end of day because there is no night there. And all the nations will bring their glory and honor into the city. Nothing evil will be allowed to enter, nor anyone who practices shameful idolatry and dishonesty—but only those whose names are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.

Thank you Lord, for givig me another chance!

I carry the memory that I sinned, the awareness that I'm capable of sinning again, and thankfully, that IF I confess my sin to God, he'll forgive me. But this little episode was one more reminder that I can't even trust myself. I'm too prone to do what *I* want to do (like skip church and sleep), not what God wants me to do. And returning over and over again to confess my sin is a trip I don't want to keep making. It weighs me down, so I can't run the race (see Hebrews 12:1).

Lord, keep me in your will today. Renew my mind. Transform me. I don't want to play around with your blessing. I'm far too valuable to you, and you're far too valuable to me for that.

Thank you, Lord. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

© 2008 Scotty Ward