Sharing versus Preaching

I was at a gas station in Ft Washington recently, playing a CD from my recent sermon, and some woman commented (positively) on it. I pulled it out and gave it to her (which surprised her to no end), but it brought to mind how much my life impacts those around me.

I've been highly blessed to be around such spirit-led preachers as Pastor Hunt of New Community COGIC in Waldorf, but I also notice my preaching is of a somewhat different nature than the rest. Let me explain.

I'm so very thankful God saved me in 1993, but I admit I have difficulty living a saved life. For me, it's tough to stay saved each day, really tough.

I've heard some of the saints (including my wife) say they're 'saved, sanctified, and Holy Ghost filled' but if I were to try to say the same thing, I'd say I'm 'being saved daily WHEN I focus on God, in the process of BEING sanctified, and Holy Ghost filled WHEN my sinful nature steps aside long enough for God to have his way in my life'. Doesn't roll off the tongue quite like the others, does it?

Psalm 51 typifies the process of sanctification to me. Because only AFTER God has cleansed and purged me, 'Then, I will teach transgressors your ways.' But until then, I'm still in the 'wash cycle', as it were. And that's where I find myself, day after painful day.

When God called me to the ministry, I told him I would follow his call, even if my life only served as an example to those around me (in other words, if they observed my stumbling and re-turning to the cross over and over, they might draw hope in their own spiritual walk.)

I thank God for the grace and strength to be able to fall, get back up, and talk about it, even when I'm talking to a crowd.

I think that's why my sermons seem more like sharing, and less like preaching. God's words of redemption and love repeatedly soothe my sin-born heart and calm my sin-numbed ears, and I get enough strength to go through the process once again, but by submitting to God's call and sharing about my life all the while, I'm able to share the pain, the tests, and the reunification.

God allows me to be a walking prodigal son.

God loves a broken and a contrite heart (Psalm 34:18, Psalm 51:17). In me, he has a perfect subject for the lesson. A proud and independent man, brought up outside the church, yet constantly humbled through decades of failed relationships and continuous self-destructive behavior. God can take my proud nature, skinned knees, and abundant tears, and make a loving "story of redemption" out of them. What the enemy calls 'another failure, Scott', God calls his child, Scott.

So when I preach, I have mixed feelings about having an altar call. The reason? I want to throw myself at the foot of the cross right along with everyone else, my tears falling beside theirs. When they cry, I cry, because - perhaps like them - I'm coming forward as a miserable, broken, proud-to-the-brink-of-destruction sinner. We all approach with nothing but hope, and we leave with nothing less than our renewed souls.

I thank God for my life. I pray my pain gives others hope.

© 2008 Scotty Ward